One usually goes through life waiting for that moment that something big will happen to us because in our subconscious life is extraordinariness, those special moments that don’t happen too often. As I grow though I’m learning that our ordinariness actually is life, that the mundane routine of everyday is our life happening. Really how much extraordinariness will we experience in this life? How many special moments will we experience in between trying to keep up with the times, working towards being A-students, trying to make ends meet, wanting to build a better life for our children? The romance, graduation, recognition, first experiences, etc? Truth be told they’re few and far between, they just don’t happen that often.
I was looking through a post on social media when the power in the ordinariness of life screamed at me. The truth is that the seeming ordinariness is what will colour a major part of our lives, and if we’re not careful we’ll look back on our lives wondering where our life went. No matter how many ‘unique’ moments we have, the ordinary days will be for the most part LIFE. Our life will be every single day and the things that happen in them, the decisions we make, the unfortunate incidences that we’ll find ourselves in, the melancholic lull of many lazy days, the ordinary things that make up our routine, even the hours we spend in front of the T.V watching our favourite soap opera.
I’m here waiting for something outstanding to happen to me when all along outstanding has been EVERY SINGLE DAY, like this morning when I laughed silly with my twin; yesterday when I spent time with my younger sister over the phone; yesterday still when in anger I shouted at an unruly market seller. It is my confusion as to what I really want to do with myself, what church I want to attend, my rowdy Christianity and all. Life isn’t particularly embedded in the special moments, it is every moment.
The last special thing that happened to me was about 5 months ago, does that mean life hasn’t happened between then and now?… I’m an introvert, as a result I spend a lot of time with myself. It was in one of my alone moments that I asked myself what really the essence of life was. My days were painfully uneventful, nothing remarkable, nothing lively to acknowledge that life was happening. What to do? Host a party and invite friends over? Which by the way isn’t exactly an option because I want to be alone, and even if, how much of life would’ve happened at a party? I’ve found myself bored over and over again, absolutely lethargic and without any enthusiasm but when I think back it’s interesting how I reminisce those lazy days almost with fondness. In the moment they were like an unwanted leech, suddenly I’m thinking back on them and the absolute serenity that was present in them. Hmm?! So seeing as my life is for the most part uneventful, when will LIFE happen for me?
I’ve found myself severally spending moments thinking up how I’d rather be somewhere else, only for the moment to pass and I’m telling myself how special that moment was. While in school I spent a good number of days wishing I was done with classes already and had a nice paying job, these days I remember how I wasn’t really present in class and I miss the fact of those moments. I miss that I can no longer goof around in class with my course mates. Why was I even so uptight anyway?… I asked myself what my ideal life looks like and I answered: joyful, fulfilled, happy and more happy. I’ve spent too many days wishing this joy, this contentment and fulfillment without necessarily experiencing it and I keep wondering when exactly I’ll have it. I have now decided that I will stop wishing and start creating because maybe that joy that I want will be a result of what I decide to be in every situation. I’ve come to an agreement with myself: feel every anger you want to feel but please don’t stay angry. I know too well the many reasons I have to be angry, but I know too how it doesn’t serve anything to carry that anger to simple moments, moments that do nothing to make me angry. I’ve told myself to feel whatever I want to feel but make sure I stay joyful. So far I’m doing much better than last year, and I can’t wait for next.
I think it’s safe to say that we appreciate life in retrospect, it’s not to say that people don’t appreciate it in the moment. Think about it, we wait all our lives for our life to happen only to one day realise how much of our life has been happening. We find out that maybe life is not about THAT moment but about EVERY moment.