Silence 2. Rukkaya.

A mix of fiction and reality. Welcome to the stories of the unheard.

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I remember it like it was yesterday. The day everything I knew ended. Who knew that just when I was learning to play house with friends I’d have to play it for real; with a stranger.

The house would be real, the babies real and so would the responsibilities.

Who knew real babies were so much more different from my stuffed dolls? That they’d require this much constant attention?

Why wasn’t I told I’d have to entertain my husband’s guest and also look after the kids and the house?

That day still feels surreal. I was called by my mother and calmly told I was going to be married and how thankful and happy I should be that he had chosen me and the honor he was placing on my family.

I was ecstatic. What did I know about marriage and all it entailed? All I knew was that a couple months ago my friend     Amina  got married and we were all jealous of the gifts and attention she got. It was beautiful and oh so colorful. I had never seen that much clothes in one place.

So of course I was happy I would have the same. The new clothes and my own room. It was getting pretty crowded in my father’s house with the yearly births that was like a silent competition between my mom and step-moms.

I was in a daze as everything about my new life was planned out without a question posed to me as to what I wanted or how I wanted it, after all they knew best.

But I quickly got yanked out of that dream the day I met the groom and plunged into a fantasy. It was a year later. The wedding day was approaching and I guess I was finally old enough. I was fourteen. He was twenty years older. He’s handsome this husband of mine. So don’t get me wrong and think I was complaining, far from it actually because unlike my friend whose husband was quite ancient, mine was handsome and just thirty-four. A man in his prime I thought. I couldn’t stop staring at him. He was my first real crush and he spoke English fluently which I always wanted to do, I had fantasies of him teaching me how to speak properly and read.

He promised my parents I’d go to school and my future home was going to be in the city.

Fast forward a couple months later. I’m all draped out and lying timidly on the bed. The celebration over and I am in a strange room shivering like a wet dog and trying to remember the advice my mom gave me.

Was it lie still and it will pass quickly or was it encourage him and it will hurt less. What was she babbling about? I am not ignorant, my father raises animals so I know how it works. But it doesn’t mean that what my mom said made any sense to me.

The door creaks open and is gently shut. But in the state I was in, everything sounded loud and thunderous.

I won’t bore you with the details of my initiation into womanhood. Suffice it to say I learned a lot of things in the hours that followed.

1. I was the 3^rd of my husband’s wives.
2. I wasn’t cutout for coitus if that’s how much it hurt and I had never prayed so hard he’d fall deeper in love with his other wives so as to forget my room and the consequent visits.
3. My mother lied or maybe he’s different. It didn’t pass quickly by lying still nor hurt less by encouraging him.
4. I could cry for hour’s non-stop.
5. It was possible to feel shame even in marriage.

Other lessons were learned but everything in small doses even my story right?

Fast forward several months later to the present and why I am telling you this. My friend Amina lost her life in child birth and that was a wakeup call for me and prompted me to have a serious discussion with my husband about my future and how I didn’t want to end up like her. She was just thirteen and her baby girl is back home with her grandparents probably doomed to the same fate as her mom.

I am a bit lucky that my husband kept his word about my education and has promised to wait before I start having kids of my own. His first wife died a couple months after our wedding and her and the baby didn’t make it. He and the second wife got into a row and are now divorced. So it’s just the two of us. We talk more than we did when we first got married. And I have come to love and respect him in my own way especially since he now listens to me.

We currently sleep in the same room and I don’t break into a cold sweat like I used to. But not everyone’s story is like mine.

Break the silence!

 

Silence (Intro)

The followings post(s) under this Menu are original works of Sunesiss( Atomic Words.) They are a mix of fiction and the reality of the people I see, meet and live with.

Welcome to the stories of the unheard.

By January of 2016 a platform will be provided for those who want to volunteer in one way or the other or donate anything to the plights of people who’s identities I can’t reveal only with permission, but will finally be heard through this medium .

Feel free to email me if you have any such stories, questions or inquiries.

Life Lessons 2. (by Kehinde)

This work and its Content are the works of Kehinde. No part of it should be used without express permission of the owner of this site; Moi. Thank you

LIFE LESSONS: CHOICE, WISDOM AND DIVINE DIRECTION

I am a Christian; all of my choices have to take their root from my identity as a child of God. I can’t live anyhow. I am accountable to my heavenly father… but that doesn’t make decision making easier and I’m still trying to figure this out myself, where’s the balance?

Really I admire those who in times of trouble are able to take comfort from the scripture, those who make decision with absolute clarity, and those who have opinions and are very certain of them. Frankly I’m none of the above. As it is I am still learning how to take comfort from the scripture -infact it was my joy when I found myself just yesterday looking to the bible for answers, “progress”, I thought. I’m yet to make major decisions being absolutely certain of them, I struggle with feeling very sure about them. Am I right? Should I have gone for the other? Am I ready for the consequence of this? Because truly there’s always a better option. It was in the process of making yet another decision that I found myself stuck, unable to draw the balance between the place of my choice, the wisdom I should apply, and God’s direction.

With divine direction there’s the chance that one will use Romans 8:28 as an excuse for laziness, “And in all things God works for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” So as a Christian I’m torn between trusting God absolutely or trying to figure it out on my own wisdom and power to choose. Trusting God only will mean that I dump the responsibility totally on God, not that He’s complaining, and that I don’t exercise my power to choose. Going for my wisdom – even if well thought out – can prove disastrous because I don’t know what God’s will is and even if on the surface my wisdom takes me far, it could be in the wrong direction. So where exactly is the balance?

I’ve come to realize that they’re all important aspects to decision making. I just have to put them all into consideration, but as a growing Christian, as a Christian who is yet to successfully differentiate between the voice of my spirit and the voice of God, as a Christian who is highly confused about what really is, I’ve concluded that: God is an important part of any decision and one way I’ve been able to vet my decisions through him and knowing it’s his will is having peace. You must’ve heard this before. With me I have to say that the reverse is the case -as I’ve come to notice. If the decision I’ve made is not God’s will for me, I get heavily disturbed in my spirit. I’m usually very restless and it’s not that I say it’s not God confidently, it’s more a consideration that maybe it’s not what God wants for me. When I choose to withdraw myself from that decision I’ve noticed that I feel lighter.

Wisdom is also very important. You see, I don’t claim to know it all or be absolutely confident, but I’ve realized that it’s just as important that with decision making I make my research and choose based on a very sound understanding of what I want to enter into. Okay, maybe using the word research is too rigid and maybe one doesn’t even have to do so much ‘research’, what matters is that our decision is founded on informed knowledge. It’ll be silly to because we depend on God have no idea what we want to get into. Now, doing our research doesn’t always make it easy -I understand all too well – but we’ll take a decision that exceeds the one we make in ignorance.

I recently discovered my power in the place of the choices that I make. I have the power to decide what comes or goes out of my life, and I love that power. But with power comes our decision as to what we’ll do with it, to abuse it or maximize it. I think that in the end God will honor whatever choice we make. True there’s divine direction but ultimately it’s a matter of what we choose. God can lead us in a direction and we still choose something else. It’s about what we decide on. After having what we perceive to be God’s will, made our research, and have our doubt or clarity it’s still about what we choose.

By Kehinde.

 

 

 

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SILENCE (1).

A mix of fiction and reality. Welcome to the stories of the unheard.

My name is Amina, I am a twelve year old girl. This is the story of my life, short as it may be. Most of you don’t know me, some of you think you know me, others just ignore knowing me. But the thing is, I am not just telling my story, it’s about all the female children like me. I am speaking out on behalf of the girls my age and older. What you don’t know is that I am not supposed to tell this story to you. My tradition, culture and people support the happenings in my place of dwelling. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t be an issue, unless it’s a secret and I am not supposed to tell (oops, in that case then ssshhhhh…..).

But you see, I don’t know any other world apart from the one I live in, and the things I see affect me and others too. The sad thing is that the trend continues and it has the same pattern. This pattern isn’t just at my place; it’s an intricate thread work that has been laced into the entire quilt of our existence. I am not saying that there aren’t exceptions to this trend, I am just saying that it’s too common, outdated and out of style and season.

I know I am not supposed to complain since it is the way things have been since before I was born, and though it did not start with me, I want it to end with me. I know my fate; it’s inevitable, I have accepted it and go through with all that is expected of me. Putting on a brave smile; as I am expected to be acceptant, submissive and even worse; happy about this.

I cry out not just for me, I cry out for the thousands, millions with no voice or too scared to speak, terrified of being heard, petrified of the repercussions of their voices being heard. So they keep silent, indeed silence is the best policy because women are seen and not heard.

Men first, then children, then cattle, possessions and then women. Just like a piece of cloth in the market place, we are available by the millions.

Plenty and disposable.

We are like properties owned first by our parents, then traded off to bring in better streams of income. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not talking of child trafficking, or physical slavery, I am talking about the common practices in our communities which is far worse because it sinks deep and it’s lines are woven finely into our minds and we have fallen deep into the quick sand of its control that our minds are now slaves to it.

We are secure when we say nothing about it and our health and peace of mind is the better for it. I would not go as far as to say that the male child has it better, but I think it.

After all a girl can only bring her family honor (and financial security) in only one way; Marriage.

I am a child, not a woman. Yet I have lost my childhood. That innocence that only a child can possess. Now I have become a woman and most put childish things away, after all, my own child will arrive in a few months, yet I wonder daily what I would teach him or her when I myself I’m just beginning to learn.

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