As I step outside with feet of uncertainty,
A thought to myself , am I ready,
The sight around me, faces all cheering,
But closer I peer, to see them sneering,
Defining success and it’s meaning to me,
Loving their voices as they preach melancholy,
“You won’t make it with that”, they scream at my dream,
“Do this and that”, they say with convictions of folly,
Hands to my ears, lids tightly closed,
I retreat to silence, but my strength fails,
As doubts open my eyes and tear at my fingers,
It’s will like hooves striking my back,
Determined to make me earth as others before me.
But there’s a light, in the dirt
Alas I see, where I am now,
My fiery crucible, the metal beating furnace
My ultimate test, to climb up to the surface
Where my dream lays, high above doubt.
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LIFE LESSONS: CHOICE, WISDOM AND DIVINE DIRECTION
I am a Christian; all of my choices have to take their root from my identity as a child of God. I can’t live anyhow. I am accountable to my heavenly father… but that doesn’t make decision making easier and I’m still trying to figure this out myself, where’s the balance?
Really I admire those who in times of trouble are able to take comfort from the scripture, those who make decision with absolute clarity, and those who have opinions and are very certain of them. Frankly I’m none of the above. As it is I am still learning how to take comfort from the scripture -infact it was my joy when I found myself just yesterday looking to the bible for answers, “progress”, I thought. I’m yet to make major decisions being absolutely certain of them, I struggle with feeling very sure about them. Am I right? Should I have gone for the other? Am I ready for the consequence of this? Because truly there’s always a better option. It was in the process of making yet another decision that I found myself stuck, unable to draw the balance between the place of my choice, the wisdom I should apply, and God’s direction.
With divine direction there’s the chance that one will use Romans 8:28 as an excuse for laziness, “And in all things God works for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” So as a Christian I’m torn between trusting God absolutely or trying to figure it out on my own wisdom and power to choose. Trusting God only will mean that I dump the responsibility totally on God, not that He’s complaining, and that I don’t exercise my power to choose. Going for my wisdom – even if well thought out – can prove disastrous because I don’t know what God’s will is and even if on the surface my wisdom takes me far, it could be in the wrong direction. So where exactly is the balance?
I’ve come to realize that they’re all important aspects to decision making. I just have to put them all into consideration, but as a growing Christian, as a Christian who is yet to successfully differentiate between the voice of my spirit and the voice of God, as a Christian who is highly confused about what really is, I’ve concluded that: God is an important part of any decision and one way I’ve been able to vet my decisions through him and knowing it’s his will is having peace. You must’ve heard this before. With me I have to say that the reverse is the case -as I’ve come to notice. If the decision I’ve made is not God’s will for me, I get heavily disturbed in my spirit. I’m usually very restless and it’s not that I say it’s not God confidently, it’s more a consideration that maybe it’s not what God wants for me. When I choose to withdraw myself from that decision I’ve noticed that I feel lighter.
Wisdom is also very important. You see, I don’t claim to know it all or be absolutely confident, but I’ve realized that it’s just as important that with decision making I make my research and choose based on a very sound understanding of what I want to enter into. Okay, maybe using the word research is too rigid and maybe one doesn’t even have to do so much ‘research’, what matters is that our decision is founded on informed knowledge. It’ll be silly to because we depend on God have no idea what we want to get into. Now, doing our research doesn’t always make it easy -I understand all too well – but we’ll take a decision that exceeds the one we make in ignorance.
I recently discovered my power in the place of the choices that I make. I have the power to decide what comes or goes out of my life, and I love that power. But with power comes our decision as to what we’ll do with it, to abuse it or maximize it. I think that in the end God will honor whatever choice we make. True there’s divine direction but ultimately it’s a matter of what we choose. God can lead us in a direction and we still choose something else. It’s about what we decide on. After having what we perceive to be God’s will, made our research, and have our doubt or clarity it’s still about what we choose.