Too broke to have an opinion so I am moving on from me.
My sacrifices and changes are naught
You won’t get past the me you knew and think you know.
You define me by the moment you meet me.
I am nothing to you but her who clings to sleep and who is lazy and has a thousand and one excuses for being exactly that.
My truths are not worthy in your court of conclusions.
I am not up for trail but the jury is out and I am guilty
My revolution won’t be found in your opinions of me
I have tried to be the me you seem to want me to be.
You unravel me with a single thought and word.
You wound and you undo all I thought I had built and walked away from.
It’s nothing.
I end up being the me you think you knew.
I am moving on from you.
I am becoming numb and my tears are emptying.
I get exhausted and broken when you constantly remind me of how I can never please you.
I am never good enough.
I have craved your approval. Bent over like a branch every which way to accommodate you.
I am cold.
You thrust me into the frost and I can’t break free. I call out but no ones there to answer.
I am starting to turn into a watering pot and I don’t like this part of me you’ve unleashed.
I have forgotten to live for me.
I scrape hours of the night to unwind and be me.
My days are slow and they drag and it’s still the same me I get to live with.
The me who was happy to have taken a million steps only to have you destroy that believe with a simple’that’s why you are fat and eat and sleep and are lazy’.
I work hard to be a better person who isn’t selfish and I can’t remember the last time I did something that was just for my pleasure with no one else but me to benefit and enjoy.
Yet I am she who is selfish.
I am too broke to have my own opinions and I have spent them all in my book of thoughts and hurt so I am moving on from me, I am moving to a person I like and can live with.
My heart hurts too much from all the band aids I have placed.
I need to heal.
Goodbye.
Third Culture Wife. 