What’s bee happening (if you’ve been wondering)

So for those of you who’ve been following my adventures, I am sure you’ve been wondering why my posts have been sporadic and all over the place?

Well I just recently moved! More like relocated really 😁 to a different CONTINENT!

If you’ve read any of my long distance relationship (Ldr) posts, you would know that my husband and I dated long distance and this spilled over into the first 2+years of our marriage with a lot of juggling of time difference, finding cheap flights and trying to squeeze as much quality time together while still trying to make a living or be functional members of society if you may lol

So the BIG move happened recently after going through more than a year of immigration processes, rejections and validations to finally bring us to today. Today represents our current state of finally living together and building the life we’ve always dreamed and planned for. It’s been just over a month since the move and I would love to say it’s been all sunshine and rainbows but no it’s not!

Transplanting your life isn’t as easy as they make it look and sound in the movies, books and songs. There’s a lot of back work involved. Documentation, work/ possible career change, money differences, shopping and food diversity, a different system and all that.

But all that is a walk in the park to finally have “Today”. We don’t have 6000+ miles between us anymore, no sleepless nights, no time difference, no horrible network problems and so forth. It’s not perfect but it’s still paradise.

I get asked if I would do it differently and change our process. I would love to say yes, but my answer is I don’t know if having the opportunity to do it differently would make us as strong as we are and as purified going through the fire (our process) as we have.

It’s our process and I am happy that we conquered it and made it to the other side.

Our story isn’t over by any means, it’s Just starting a new chapter ❤️.

Building Of A Community. Drop your Links..

So this sort of happened to me. I am usually reblogging other love, sharing and meet and greet posts.

Until Today when i started recieving links of my own to share.

So if you would like for me to share or reblog your posts, please drop your links in the comments section below.

And in the spirit of community and growth, dont hesistate to click on a link and drop a friendly hello on someone elses blog.

I hope to connect with you all and looking forward to sharing and reading your posts!

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

 

Too broke to have an opinion.

Too broke to have an opinion so I am moving on from me.

My sacrifices and changes are naught

You won’t get past the me you knew and think you know.

You define me by the moment you meet me.

I am nothing to you but her who clings to sleep and who is lazy and has a thousand and one excuses for being exactly that.

My truths are not worthy in your court of conclusions.

I am not up for trail but the jury is out and I am guilty

My revolution won’t be found in your opinions of me

I have tried to be the me you seem to want me to be.

You unravel me with a single thought and word.

You wound and you undo all I thought I had built and walked away from.

It’s nothing.

I end up being the me you think you knew.

I am moving on from you.

I am becoming numb and my tears are emptying.

I get exhausted and broken when you constantly remind me  of how I can never please you.

I am never good enough.

I have craved your approval. Bent over like a branch every which way to accommodate you.

I am cold.

You thrust me into the frost and I can’t break free. I call out but no ones there to answer.

I am starting to turn into a watering pot and I don’t like this part of me you’ve unleashed.

I have forgotten to live for me.

I scrape hours of the night to unwind and be me.

My days are slow and they drag and it’s still the same me I get to live with.

The me who was happy to have taken a million steps only to have you destroy that believe with a simple’that’s why you are fat and eat and sleep and are lazy’.

I work hard to be a better person who isn’t selfish and I can’t remember the last time I did something that was just for my pleasure with no one else but me to benefit and enjoy.

Yet I am she who is selfish.

I am too broke to have my own opinions and I have spent them all in my book of thoughts and hurt so I am moving on from me, I am moving to a person I like and can live with.

My heart hurts too much from all the band aids I have placed.

I need to heal.

Goodbye.

Versatile Blogger Award.

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=versatile+blogger+award&

Another versatile Blogger award.

Thank you so much An ordinary girl. For this award I am so grateful.

An Ordinary girl has an amazing and refreshing blog. She’s true to herself and knows her audience. If you’ve never visited her blog then dont miss out and click on the link.

This is my 3rd versatile Blogger award and I truly appreciate all those who have nominated me and participated in my nominations I appreciate it.

So I am giving out this award to anyone has hasn’t got it yet.

It is a good one to have if your blog isn’t award free.

Drop me a link or ping back if you do.

Cheers.

 

Soul Mates By Kehinde.

SOULMATES

He…the love of my life.

The tingling sweetness of my insides.

One man, one amongst ten who got,

Got in me a treasure valued like gold.

He, this one, the one who holds,

Holds so tight I rest in love.

That one…his presence my smile

Him whom I never learnt to love…

The pounding of my chest,

The tightness of my tummy. But wait,

Is he my soulmate?

I always thought I believed in soulmates, well I did, until recently. Love the world’s way will have you believe that it’s an emotion that cannot be helped. In love you’re supposed to be helpless, drunk, needy of your partner, see the world through your love for your partner, no one ever says that but that’s the unspoken expectation. And it’s beautiful, absolutely something to be privileged to experience, but does it really exist?

I’ve always been something of a romantic – blame it on my love for all things romance. I love love and the idea of it, but you see, as a Christian my view on certain subjects will change, not because I force them to but because I take on a renewed view via the word of God that I take in… besides my influence is different now. I don’t claim to have gotten my view from the bible, but I’ll say that I am talking from a Christian point of view, as is my understanding.

When I used to read a lot of romance literature, I used to spend my time dreaming up my prince charming. I imagined that he was taller than me, was all muscled up, had fire in his eyes every time he looked at me, all those wonderful things like that, and I looked forward to romance. I longed for my own 6-packed hulk who was going to be my hero. I longed for this near perfect guy – because the protagonists in any romance story always fought only once. As I grew though I got to understand that there’s really more to romance than all the beautiful feeling. Most enlightening is my understanding of romance from the love chapter of the bible: I Cor 13.

In church you’ll usually hear that love is not a feeling, that to get a true understanding of love is to understand love God’s way: love is kind, love is patient, love does not boast, is not envious, etc. As a Christian it’s easy to quote this afterall we keep hearing it. But as much as I heard love to be this way, I never really was convinced that that was love, I mean love is fire, love is love and really it’s about two people in love. I had head knowledge of God’s kind of love and even practised the easy parts of it without referring to it as love. In my mind giving na giving, patience is only because I don’t want to look stupid – or I know I can’t fight the conductor. Tolerance is until I can’t take it any longer, long suffering has never really been appealing. Like that I went on, waiting on love because love was supposed to happen with a guy. I love my family and love God but the ‘love’ I was waiting on was special… the real one.

After reading through my favourite literature and noting the way the protagonist studied I Cor 13, I decided that it was time to find out what it was about that part of the scripture that everyone keeps going on about. I’ve read that portion before, in a group setting and personally, it wasn’t until recently that I really understood the gravity of real love.

The first thing that grated my nerve this time around when I read that portion is ‘love cares more for others than for self.’ I was shaking my head in disapproval when I saw ‘love puts up with anything, that spoiled it. Put up with anything? Like any-thing? Even when I’m being nice and the other party is being nasty? Like even when I’m being shoved rudely? Even when I’m without any fault? That’s tough! And that continues to be the most resounding part of that portion for me, maybe because it’s tougher to accept for me. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that I have to put up with anything.

There’s no way to explain I Cor 13 and dwell on romance, at least for me, because the focus is not on romance. The focus is on loving any and everyone like that. I concluded that having a soulmate is not God’s design simply for the fact that the idea of having a soulmate promotes selfishness and I don’t mean that in terms of self as it is that the focus of the love is just on the two parties involved. Having a soulmate connotes that our world revolves around our lover, that we see them, breathe them, etc. God’s kind of love extends beyond the two to everyone the parties come in contact with.

I’ve also concluded that having a soulmate connotes that the parties involved have attained an unreasonable standard of perfection. With a soulmate we insinuate that our lover can do no wrong, that he/she is without responsibilities, and even if, that they exist in a world without problems: sickness, financial situations, family responsibilities, etc. The whole idea of having a soulmate says one way or another that the parties involved are perfect and exist in a perfect world. If it was true, God’s love wouldn’t require us to put up with anything, wouldn’t ask us to be patient, long suffering (the dreaded word). It wouldn’t ask us to not keep score of the sins of others.

The relationship of soulmates is a relationship of exclusion. It excludes everyone apart from the parties involved, there is a horizontal expression of love that benefits only two people. Imagine if that love was actually ideal, how many people will be loveless? How many people will be denied the joy of experiencing true love. If God’s love was based on whether we deserve it or not, a lot of us will be without love. And that’s the beauty of I Cor 13, it tells us to love everyone, even when they haven’t done anything to be loved; the consistent practice of this kind of love is what even strengthens a romantic relationship because what will you do when you find that the one you’re smitten by is just as human as you and just as prone to be annoying?

The question is if soulmates truly exists and my answer is that it only exists in an ideal world made up of ideal people. Soulmates can’t exist because it’s exclusive – God doesn’t want only a few to experience love. It can’t exist because it’s idealistic – it wants something that can’t be (except of course all men were perfect). It can’t exist because people still find love (sometimes with a bigger intensity) after they’ve lost their spouse whom they were very much in love with. It can’t exist if love truly is a choice.

It’ll be too fickle if it existed because at the first sign of a challenge the parties involved will chicken out. I’m not negating the use of the word itself, I’m only against people looking for love in terms of finding their soulmate… I guess it’s whatever works for everyone but really it’ll only be disappointing. I rather prefer being married to my best friend. As friends we’ll acknowledge our humanity but as soulmates hold each other to impossible standards.

 

My LDR emotions are all over the place.

Today I have decided to use gifs and pictures to express myself. Some are funny(well most are) but they explain alot about Ldr and how its feels most of the time. Even in the good times.

When your in it, it aint too funny.

Hope you enjoy and let me know your Ldr experience. It will mean alot to me. Thank you. 😔😢😢😢😢😢😞😊😊.

 

 

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=ldr+gifs&view

 

sometimes it feels this way when it seems its all falling around my ears and his.  ‘we can fix this!’

 

LIFE LESSONS: JUST GO WITH THE FLOW

So, I will be putting up guest posts every week or bi-weekly so feel free to send me original works and properly label them so all credit will go to you. (sunesiss26@gmail.com)

A dear friend of mine Kehinde has done me the honor of agreeing to be a guest Author on my blog on a weekly basis. So watch out for her.

I hope you all like her début piece on my blog. Enjoy.

My mum loves having new clothes, there’s no other way to put it. She loves it so much so that she frequents the tailor’s like monthly. Personally I don’t understand it, in my mind I’m like “but you have enough clothes”, but it’s none of my business so I say nothing and without questions follow her to the tailor’s anytime the situation calls for it.

As it is my mum will go any length to get quality out of her material. She’ll go the extra mile to find a tailor that’ll do the job well, that’ll do justice to her clothe. Her current talior has his shop a long distance from our home but he’s very worth it. He’s expensive but very creative and detailed and it is with commitment to his excellence that my mum visits his shop with every of her material, no kidding.

It was on one of those days that I followed my mum to her tailor’s shop. We’d been there for about 3-5mins with my mum telling her tailor the adjustments she wanted him to make, him clarifying why he added or didn’t add a design, when a woman of about 50 entered into the shop. I’m terribly bad with telling people’s ages so I couldn’t tell her age until she mentioned that she was a grandma. My first impression of her was neutral, she didn’t know me, I didn’t know her, but of course there was the courteous greeting initially. Because she’s older -that was pretty much obvious- I had to get up from my sit for her as a show of respect, what irked me was the air about her that I perceived had her feeling that indeed I had to get up for her afterall she was older. She didn’t even tell me thank you o. All well, nothing doing. I continued to watch the banter between my mum and the tailor somewhat bored, I was restless and ready to go. More adjustment and talks later and the woman that entered in was shouting.

This woman had given the tailor specifications of what she wanted in her clothes, she’d given him two lace materials. She’d heard he was very good and brought her materials to him to sew because she was to wear it for her son’s wedding. If you know an average Yoruba woman, an everyday Yoruba woman, you’ll know how seriously -emphasis on seriously- they take their parties and everything associated with it, especially when they’re an important part of the party, and especially when they happen to be the mother of the celebrant! Note if you’re a vendor: pressure alert! To be honest the material was nice, like very nice…before I digress though. The tailor out of sartorial common sense and over-creativity (if ever it exists) sew something that was a bit different from what the woman had specified. In my opinion the tailor did an awesome job. I loved what he did with that material, but once the woman sighted it all hell broke loose: he didn’t sew exactly to her specification. While my mum out of womanly understanding tried to reason with the woman, and the tailor looked on in confusion (you should’ve seen his face), I sat being irritated because I didn’t understand how someone as old as she could throw a tantrum over something so trivial. I don’t ridicule what her opinion is, she bought the material and has the right to dictate what happens to it, but hey, this guy was only trying to spice things up. That was how she kept crying and shouting until the tailor, still in confusion, started loosening the seams of the clothe.

I took some time over that incidence and concluded with the most powerful lesson from that: NEVER ATTACH YOUR EMOTIONS TO MATERIAL THINGS. It’s okay to like things in an inexplicable way, it’s okay to value things, it’s okay to attach sentimental values to things, but please never let it control your emotions or reactions. That woman reacted the way she did because she was emotionally attached to that clothe. My guess is that she’d had this fixed vision of what she wanted in her mind and nothing could change that. Flexibility is important. If we were a bit more flexible we wouldn’t get so worked up about things not working out our way. It’s a lesson I’m learning daily and for someone who’s getting over worry I’ve found that just letting go and allowing for life to do its thing will relieve a lot of pressure, does that mean we should be passive? No. But it does mean that if we’ll get over anxiety or spontaneously sparking out of anger, it’ll be because we have learnt to go with the flow and not be overly attached to things that won’t last.

By Kehinde.

Images found at http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=lessons&FORM=HDRSC2

Your first post challenge

https://poetryandchocolateandbooks.wordpress.com/ Thank you very much for thinking about me on this one. Poetry and chocloate and books is an amazing blogger whom i came across this month through serendipity. She’s the best!. havent been through all her work but what i’ve seen so far has left me in awe. i am blessed to have stumbled upon her blog and its one i am sticking with. If you havent been, then you are missing out big time. She’s that amazing. And she actually reads your stuff too! how great is that?!

I am truly thankful because my first post happened quite by accident. its not my first write-up or poem, not even the first Item i thought i’d post if ever i started a blog. But I was inspired by my two close friends and voila my first real post was born.

Enjoy!

Instructions:

• Copy-paste, link, pingback or whatever way you want to, your first post.
• State what type of post that was. E.G. Introduction, Story, Poem
• Explain why that was your first post.
• Nominate 5 other bloggers. Five because I know the pain of opening a lot of tabs at once.

My Friend.

while in class, my friends were a little down and bored, two of them to be precise. in between concentrating and zooming out, i came up with a piece on both of them.

so here it goes.

My friend is an enigma, she gives you glimpses of her feelings and thoughts.

she opens up in rare moments, you have to look to see, you have to know what to look for.

shes a stand alone series who’s  story keeps evolving.

My friend is an open book, she’s expressive, passionate, kind and emotional. she can be hurt easily, and when she cares, she dosen’t hold back.

   My friend is a well of personality that swallows you up and takes you by surprise.

My friend is complicated, but only if you think her to be, then you’ll never understand her.

MY friend is a bucket of cold water. A breath of fresh air, a wealth of knowledge, but most of all, my friend is a dreamer with a carefree laughter that startles you at first, but is very infectious.

THAT’S MY FRIEND.

My nominees:

1. https://coldchickensoup.wordpress.com/

2. https://worldofmillie.wordpress.com/

3.http://nebusresearch.wordpress.com

4.http://hermansneutics.com/

5.https://offthecuffasks.wordpress.com

Many of you might not be interested in the challenge but thats okay too!