Impromptu, LDR, News, poems

Apology

I want to apologise to everyone for being off the blogosphere recently and not getting back to all the cooments and messages on time.

Truly sorry for that.

Will do better.

But how is everyone doing? missed you guys. let me know

hurt, Inspired, Ldbrn, LDR, ldrbn, love

Can You?

I still bleed from it

Do you recall it?

The cuts along my heart

Never self-inflicted neither deliberate.

Yet they still ooze from constant abuse

The ridges of the wounds form your signature and the scars a tattoo of your name.

 

Can you still smell it?

The pungent smell of rot

 

Can you taste it?

Do you remember its metallic taste as you bit into my soul and sunk your teeth into my core taking with you pieces well-hidden and baring them for all to see

 

Can you hear it?

The beats you forced into submission and rhythm with your constant attack on my senses till my heart beat in tune with yours and all my emotions became a Symphony of your whims.

 

My deeds a tentative plea

My actions a reflection of your mood

And I recoil at the thought it’ll be less than perfect; off beat

 

Can you still feel it?

That seizure that tells you we’re connected.

Others have butterflies and sparks

But we’ve felt deeper, known deeper,

Currents of electromagnetic waves

We ignite and we combust

 

Can you see it?

The blood from our wounds as we hurt. It trickles down slowly as we sign on the ridges of a fresh wound, clothing in anticipation of the healing that’s sure to come.

 

But for now it seeps.

Guest posts, Guests posts, LDR

Guest post. By Kehinde.

AuthorGuestPost1

 

LIFE LESSONS: LESSONS FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOP

I’d always wanted to go mountain climbing but it wasn’t an enthusiastic desire, just something I hoped for IF I ever had the chance. I wasn’t going to stress myself trying to make it a reality. You know how you create a bucket list and hope that some of them come true. Well, I did get the chance. Is it just me or do you also feel that first rush of excitement when you decide on something new? The kind of excitement you feel when you’re doing something you’ve never done before?

I was elated. I was going to climb a mountain, for the first time ever! The plan initially was to get to a manageable spot on there, take a ton of selfie, post them on social media and then go back home. I wasn’t going to climb the whole of that humongous mound, and I definitely wasn’t going to be climbing down after two hours on the mountain complaining of how much my body ached. I think that mountains are scary when you come up close. The way they stand unmoving and intimidating in front of you, and you never know what you’ll find. Only for my partner to tell me that snakes have been seen on the mountain. What?! But this was my first time and so far I hadn’t seen any snakes. There was also the fact that I wasn’t alone and of course I wasn’t going all the way to the top – at least I thought so.

The first thing we saw at the foot of the mountain was a small area of very clean water. You see, here in Nigeria we tend to attach spiritual significance to things that are uncommon, like that bit of water which some people had labelled ‘healing water’. I’m not one to disrespect people’s beliefs but on this day I had to use a bit of that water. It was extremely hot, I was sweating profusely and needed a sip of this water that looked like it was going to be refreshing. It wasn’t as cool as it’d promised though. Here that singular act would have earned screams of horror from the superstitious ones, besides I can’t lie that I was a bit hesitant and waiting for something horrifying to happen. Nothing happened. Fear number one conquered. I used what most people won’t dare to use, and on my body too.

On and on we went, taking selfies along the way yet this mound still stood unmoving. Anyone who knows what I’m talking about? You’ll notice that whenever you’re at the foot of a mountain you’ll feel very intimidated by it’s hugeness. It makes me think of our set goals or new endeavours and how that when we just start them they intimidate us because of our inexperience but as we do more of those things we begin to loose our fear. At the foot of the mountain I was most intimidated. I even imagined that it would tumble on me and crush me to the ground – I know that’s weird thinking – but as I continued on it I became less intimidated and more surprised that I was fearful of something that I was now standing firmly on. Our fear most time presents an illusion of what is not.

Fast forward to somewhere in the middle of the mountain. I could have stopped right there and be justified in ticking that item off my bucket list ‘go mountain climbing’, and I was going to if not for the innocent question that my partner asked me. She’d simply asked if I was going to reach the top. Between the two of us there was enough fear to go round. We’d overcome the initial fear of climbing the mountain, now that we had done that we didn’t want to face the fear of what lay on top of or after the mountain. I was scared (and it’s important that I emphasize that). Nobody told me to go mountain climbing. I was living alone so only myself and my partner knew where I was. I hadn’t bothered to tell anyone. Here I was now with the decision of taking even more risk or going back home with the fulfillment of having at least reached the foot of a mountain.

I don’t know where the courage came from but I decided that I wanted to be an inspiration to my partner. I was going to show her that it could be done, and so with my heart pounding heavily and the fear of the unknown (I didn’t know how I was going to run down a slopping mountain in case I had to), I dragged my butt -quite literally- up to the top. The mountain is such that at a point you could no longer walk on it, you had to crawl or drag your butt up. Interesting enough I had to back the unknown that I was going to meet, which means that I wouldn’t see what I was going to until I got there. I kept looking back just incase though.

I got up the mountain and saw a wide stretch of mountain with cactus, small trees, some short plants, and more and more mountains to the left and right – I don’t know any view more beautiful than the one from the mountain top. What?! I’d been scared of this? And it’s even more interesting because I saw cow dungs up there. How in the world did they get up there? Like that I reached the topmost part of this nameless mountain. My heart didn’t stop beating immediately but now I was more in awe than I was scared. I’d seen what was at the other side and guess what? It wasn’t anything to be scared of. I learnt another very powerful lesson that day: when we give in to our fears they make us loose what we stand to gain if we’d continued on the path of our dreams. When you get over your fear – no matter how badly your palm is sweating and your heart is beating – and you do what you’re scared to do, you’ll see that it’s really not that difficult. There’s nothing behind that mountain (figuratively speaking now) except for a stretch of unbelievably beautiful top and short cactuses here and there. And what joy to know that we did it. It was with joy that I ticked that item off my bucket list, adding beside it (to clear all doubt) that I also did reach the very top.

 

Inspired, LDR, love, poems

When I woke up.

I woke up to find you near

Standing by the head board grinning

Smiling that smile I love

Wearing your heart in your eyes, lips and essence.

 

I froze, not believing you are finally here

.post-61654-sleepy-tired-Tom-and-Jerry-tap-VxlQ

Screeching I jump into the embrace that’s all mine.

A scent that comes only in my dreams.

A hug I feel through the miles.

A look I’ve mastered between screens and wavelengths is mine for the taking here and now; by my head board.

 

A jolt of electricity from a touch I’ve come to forget sizzles and zaps me

My closed eyes startle open in shock and the only thing by my head board is the shadow of the moon and the harmattan that zapped me awake when my frozen fingers slid against the bed sheet.

This has become a habit but I am ever hopeful for the reality.

 

Hey guys if you are currently in an Ldr (long distance relationship) and would like to join Ldrbn which is for bloggers in ldr and blog about is, then click the link below to join/apply. Don’t forget to put me down as you referral (Sunesis).

https://www.ldrblogs.com

Let me know how it goes.😊😉

 

Image source

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=wide+

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=sleepless+gifs&view

 

 

 

Guest posts, Guests posts, LDR, love

Soul Mates By Kehinde.

AuthorGuestPost1

SOULMATES

He…the love of my life.

The tingling sweetness of my insides.

One man, one amongst ten who got,

Got in me a treasure valued like gold.

He, this one, the one who holds,

Holds so tight I rest in love.

That one…his presence my smile

Him whom I never learnt to love…

The pounding of my chest,

The tightness of my tummy. But wait,

Is he my soulmate?

I always thought I believed in soulmates, well I did, until recently. Love the world’s way will have you believe that it’s an emotion that cannot be helped. In love you’re supposed to be helpless, drunk, needy of your partner, see the world through your love for your partner, no one ever says that but that’s the unspoken expectation. And it’s beautiful, absolutely something to be privileged to experience, but does it really exist?

I’ve always been something of a romantic – blame it on my love for all things romance. I love love and the idea of it, but you see, as a Christian my view on certain subjects will change, not because I force them to but because I take on a renewed view via the word of God that I take in… besides my influence is different now. I don’t claim to have gotten my view from the bible, but I’ll say that I am talking from a Christian point of view, as is my understanding.

When I used to read a lot of romance literature, I used to spend my time dreaming up my prince charming. I imagined that he was taller than me, was all muscled up, had fire in his eyes every time he looked at me, all those wonderful things like that, and I looked forward to romance. I longed for my own 6-packed hulk who was going to be my hero. I longed for this near perfect guy – because the protagonists in any romance story always fought only once. As I grew though I got to understand that there’s really more to romance than all the beautiful feeling. Most enlightening is my understanding of romance from the love chapter of the bible: I Cor 13.

In church you’ll usually hear that love is not a feeling, that to get a true understanding of love is to understand love God’s way: love is kind, love is patient, love does not boast, is not envious, etc. As a Christian it’s easy to quote this afterall we keep hearing it. But as much as I heard love to be this way, I never really was convinced that that was love, I mean love is fire, love is love and really it’s about two people in love. I had head knowledge of God’s kind of love and even practised the easy parts of it without referring to it as love. In my mind giving na giving, patience is only because I don’t want to look stupid – or I know I can’t fight the conductor. Tolerance is until I can’t take it any longer, long suffering has never really been appealing. Like that I went on, waiting on love because love was supposed to happen with a guy. I love my family and love God but the ‘love’ I was waiting on was special… the real one.

After reading through my favourite literature and noting the way the protagonist studied I Cor 13, I decided that it was time to find out what it was about that part of the scripture that everyone keeps going on about. I’ve read that portion before, in a group setting and personally, it wasn’t until recently that I really understood the gravity of real love.

The first thing that grated my nerve this time around when I read that portion is ‘love cares more for others than for self.’ I was shaking my head in disapproval when I saw ‘love puts up with anything, that spoiled it. Put up with anything? Like any-thing? Even when I’m being nice and the other party is being nasty? Like even when I’m being shoved rudely? Even when I’m without any fault? That’s tough! And that continues to be the most resounding part of that portion for me, maybe because it’s tougher to accept for me. I just can’t come to terms with the fact that I have to put up with anything.

There’s no way to explain I Cor 13 and dwell on romance, at least for me, because the focus is not on romance. The focus is on loving any and everyone like that. I concluded that having a soulmate is not God’s design simply for the fact that the idea of having a soulmate promotes selfishness and I don’t mean that in terms of self as it is that the focus of the love is just on the two parties involved. Having a soulmate connotes that our world revolves around our lover, that we see them, breathe them, etc. God’s kind of love extends beyond the two to everyone the parties come in contact with.

I’ve also concluded that having a soulmate connotes that the parties involved have attained an unreasonable standard of perfection. With a soulmate we insinuate that our lover can do no wrong, that he/she is without responsibilities, and even if, that they exist in a world without problems: sickness, financial situations, family responsibilities, etc. The whole idea of having a soulmate says one way or another that the parties involved are perfect and exist in a perfect world. If it was true, God’s love wouldn’t require us to put up with anything, wouldn’t ask us to be patient, long suffering (the dreaded word). It wouldn’t ask us to not keep score of the sins of others.

The relationship of soulmates is a relationship of exclusion. It excludes everyone apart from the parties involved, there is a horizontal expression of love that benefits only two people. Imagine if that love was actually ideal, how many people will be loveless? How many people will be denied the joy of experiencing true love. If God’s love was based on whether we deserve it or not, a lot of us will be without love. And that’s the beauty of I Cor 13, it tells us to love everyone, even when they haven’t done anything to be loved; the consistent practice of this kind of love is what even strengthens a romantic relationship because what will you do when you find that the one you’re smitten by is just as human as you and just as prone to be annoying?

The question is if soulmates truly exists and my answer is that it only exists in an ideal world made up of ideal people. Soulmates can’t exist because it’s exclusive – God doesn’t want only a few to experience love. It can’t exist because it’s idealistic – it wants something that can’t be (except of course all men were perfect). It can’t exist because people still find love (sometimes with a bigger intensity) after they’ve lost their spouse whom they were very much in love with. It can’t exist if love truly is a choice.

It’ll be too fickle if it existed because at the first sign of a challenge the parties involved will chicken out. I’m not negating the use of the word itself, I’m only against people looking for love in terms of finding their soulmate… I guess it’s whatever works for everyone but really it’ll only be disappointing. I rather prefer being married to my best friend. As friends we’ll acknowledge our humanity but as soulmates hold each other to impossible standards.

 

hurt, LDR, love

My LDR emotions are all over the place.

Today I have decided to use gifs and pictures to express myself. Some are funny(well most are) but they explain alot about Ldr and how its feels most of the time. Even in the good times.

When your in it, it aint too funny.

Hope you enjoy and let me know your Ldr experience. It will mean alot to me. Thank you. 😔😢😢😢😢😢😞😊😊.

 

 

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=ldr+gifs&view

 

sometimes it feels this way when it seems its all falling around my ears and his.  ‘we can fix this!’

 

hurt, LDR, poems, poetry

These words….Sorry?

I try to write,

Write the words in my heart

Put my feelings to words.

Every time I try,

I come up short.

 

You hurt me

So many broken words my pen cannot make them whole.

They’re there in the air floating through my breath

I reach for them and they evaporate.

 

I see them in the water

Drowning in my tears

I dive in only to choke on them.

 

They’re smudged and stained.

Broken and scattered.

 

I try to write but my fingers cramp with the effort.

I try to speak but my voice won’t pass the words lodged in my throat.

 

These words are all I have but even they won’t do.

I wrapped them around you like a blanket.

These words were our cocoon

But these words won’t do any more

These words are no longer enough

You hurt me and took the words away

 

What can we say to make it better? Sorry……. Sorry?

Images found at:-

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=falling+words&view=detailv2&&id

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=drowning+in+tears+gifs

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=trying+to+write+gifs&

 

Inspired, LDR, love, poems, poetry

Breathless

My supply of creativity is emptying

You kissed me, sucked my words away.

It tingled as it left my fingers and sizzled with the loss in contact.

It licked through my pores and escaped through my mouth as I said the words back.

 

Dumb as a lamppost as I stand gazing at you with stars in my eyes

And the old me drooping through my lips and sense hanging out my dropped jaw.

 

I saw her you know; Sensibility

As she mournfully left me

A cold draft of air,

Many a shivers and the hold of doubts as they stare me down

questioning my sanity as I gaze at you with the moon on my lids.

You touch me and Mr. Doubt couldn’t run fast enough.

And warmth that swamped me to heal the frost resident on all vital organs.

 

You caught me

Broke my fall and wrapped me in your warm embrace.

Your lips are sore from kissing my tears away

Your arms cramped from hugging me in your embrace.

 

I am never at a loss for what to say

yet you leave me speechless. 

 

 

Images and gifs gotten off bing search.

Written content is an original property of Sunesis(Atomic words)

Express request and permission has to be granted for any sort of use or reproduction.

Thank you

http://www.bing.com/images/search?

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=speechless+gifs&view

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=falling+gifs

hurt, LDR, love, poems, poetry, The Journey

The problem with distance.

Map – Shortest path between Abuja and Milwaukeehttp://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/distanceresult.html?p1=742&p2=158

Distance is 9765 kilometers or 6068 miles or 5273 nautical miles

You wound me,

Gently and quietly but surely.

You scrape and scratch

Peels and flakes of scabs

Old wounds opened

New ones inflicted.

 

A warm hot cloth,

Ointment and balm,

Plaster and a kiss.

You nurse me and patch me up.

 

Sharp words! I cut you

Slashing through your armor to pierce your heart.

Bleeding love.

Puddle of shock and pain,

Bleeding love.

Words I can’t take back

I’m sorry…

 

I need a  moment

Arteries heal, veins reconnect  me to you

I need a moment.

You breathe me in and hide me in your beating heart.

This is worth it

I fought for this and will hold on. 

 

Forgiveness

 

We start over

laughter and joy

Happiness and fun

Broken but whole

 

Why were we broken?

Not seeing or gaging reactions we blow out of proportion what could have been healed with a simple smile or laugh or joke

 

Yet we wound because we cannot feel or see,

We wound.

                     All pictures are not mine. Can be found online.

But the write up and post is. No unauthorized usage of any post found on Atomic words. All property used should be linked back to this blog.

Thank you.

 

 

 

LDR, love, Musings, poems, Uncategorized

MY BLUE CHRISTM…

 

‘’ I’m dreaming of a white Christmas’’.

Of course I am. Never had one, seen countless in movies and carols.

Yet I had the promise of one. Funny, it’s still mine if I want it. Given on a platter of gold, no strings attached.

This could be the year of something new, fresh, mysterious and all my own.

           Instead, I let the harmattan come in, bringing doubts and fear along with it. Freeing my snow at night and melting it with the morning dew.

 filling up my walkway with chips of ice, turning it to a deceptively beautiful scene, giving the illusion of a smooth, slippery, thin surface, solid and perfect enough for skating, just to break and cave in the moment you are gullible enough to step on.

So while you were building castles in the air, believing that I was right there floating on cloud nine, I was slowly drifting away, till I free fell. Landed on a concrete and broke my wings.

‘’ I ‘m wide awake!’’ aware of all you’re offering, wanting to believe in it. Wanting to let go, stick my tongue out and just taste the snow.

 Yet something holds me back. A wall so high blocking me, a hand  tightly gripping my arm.

           You see, I was comfortable just staying put, but you changed that.

Was happy watching you chip away at the wall piece by piece, brick by brick, just to replace those you dislodged or broke.

See!!!… I was content!

Yet you reminded me of my healed wings, coaxing me to trust and take flight again, to just believe and fly over the wall and break away, to leave the cold, blue world I had erected.

Leaving all my blue Christmases behind and looking forward to a white one with you.

Finally I am ready to stick out my tongue and taste the snow, knowing that even if the cold stings, I’ll be too warm to notice.

 Image

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=blue+christmas+gifs&view=detail