One usually goes through life waiting for that moment that something big will happen to us because in our subconscious life is extraordinariness, those special moments that don’t happen too often. As I grow though I’m learning that our ordinariness actually is life, that the mundane routine of everyday is our life happening. Really how much extraordinariness will we experience in this life? How many special moments will we experience in between trying to keep up with the times, working towards being A-students, trying to make ends meet, wanting to build a better life for our children? The romance, graduation, recognition, first experiences, etc? Truth be told they’re few and far between, they just don’t happen that often.
I was looking through a post on social media when the power in the ordinariness of life screamed at me. The truth is that the seeming ordinariness is what will colour a major part of our lives, and if we’re not careful we’ll look back on our lives wondering where our life went. No matter how many ‘unique’ moments we have, the ordinary days will be for the most part LIFE. Our life will be every single day and the things that happen in them, the decisions we make, the unfortunate incidences that we’ll find ourselves in, the melancholic lull of many lazy days, the ordinary things that make up our routine, even the hours we spend in front of the T.V watching our favourite soap opera.
I’m here waiting for something outstanding to happen to me when all along outstanding has been EVERY SINGLE DAY, like this morning when I laughed silly with my twin; yesterday when I spent time with my younger sister over the phone; yesterday still when in anger I shouted at an unruly market seller. It is my confusion as to what I really want to do with myself, what church I want to attend, my rowdy Christianity and all. Life isn’t particularly embedded in the special moments, it is every moment.
The last special thing that happened to me was about 5 months ago, does that mean life hasn’t happened between then and now?… I’m an introvert, as a result I spend a lot of time with myself. It was in one of my alone moments that I asked myself what really the essence of life was. My days were painfully uneventful, nothing remarkable, nothing lively to acknowledge that life was happening. What to do? Host a party and invite friends over? Which by the way isn’t exactly an option because I want to be alone, and even if, how much of life would’ve happened at a party? I’ve found myself bored over and over again, absolutely lethargic and without any enthusiasm but when I think back it’s interesting how I reminisce those lazy days almost with fondness. In the moment they were like an unwanted leech, suddenly I’m thinking back on them and the absolute serenity that was present in them. Hmm?! So seeing as my life is for the most part uneventful, when will LIFE happen for me?
I’ve found myself severally spending moments thinking up how I’d rather be somewhere else, only for the moment to pass and I’m telling myself how special that moment was. While in school I spent a good number of days wishing I was done with classes already and had a nice paying job, these days I remember how I wasn’t really present in class and I miss the fact of those moments. I miss that I can no longer goof around in class with my course mates. Why was I even so uptight anyway?… I asked myself what my ideal life looks like and I answered: joyful, fulfilled, happy and more happy. I’ve spent too many days wishing this joy, this contentment and fulfillment without necessarily experiencing it and I keep wondering when exactly I’ll have it. I have now decided that I will stop wishing and start creating because maybe that joy that I want will be a result of what I decide to be in every situation. I’ve come to an agreement with myself: feel every anger you want to feel but please don’t stay angry. I know too well the many reasons I have to be angry, but I know too how it doesn’t serve anything to carry that anger to simple moments, moments that do nothing to make me angry. I’ve told myself to feel whatever I want to feel but make sure I stay joyful. So far I’m doing much better than last year, and I can’t wait for next.
I think it’s safe to say that we appreciate life in retrospect, it’s not to say that people don’t appreciate it in the moment. Think about it, we wait all our lives for our life to happen only to one day realise how much of our life has been happening. We find out that maybe life is not about THAT moment but about EVERY moment.
This work and its Content are the works of Kehinde. No part of it should be used without express permission of the owner of this site; Moi. Thank you
LIFE LESSONS: CHOICE, WISDOM AND DIVINE DIRECTION
I am a Christian; all of my choices have to take their root from my identity as a child of God. I can’t live anyhow. I am accountable to my heavenly father… but that doesn’t make decision making easier and I’m still trying to figure this out myself, where’s the balance?
Really I admire those who in times of trouble are able to take comfort from the scripture, those who make decision with absolute clarity, and those who have opinions and are very certain of them. Frankly I’m none of the above. As it is I am still learning how to take comfort from the scripture -infact it was my joy when I found myself just yesterday looking to the bible for answers, “progress”, I thought. I’m yet to make major decisions being absolutely certain of them, I struggle with feeling very sure about them. Am I right? Should I have gone for the other? Am I ready for the consequence of this? Because truly there’s always a better option. It was in the process of making yet another decision that I found myself stuck, unable to draw the balance between the place of my choice, the wisdom I should apply, and God’s direction.
With divine direction there’s the chance that one will use Romans 8:28 as an excuse for laziness, “And in all things God works for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose.” So as a Christian I’m torn between trusting God absolutely or trying to figure it out on my own wisdom and power to choose. Trusting God only will mean that I dump the responsibility totally on God, not that He’s complaining, and that I don’t exercise my power to choose. Going for my wisdom – even if well thought out – can prove disastrous because I don’t know what God’s will is and even if on the surface my wisdom takes me far, it could be in the wrong direction. So where exactly is the balance?
I’ve come to realize that they’re all important aspects to decision making. I just have to put them all into consideration, but as a growing Christian, as a Christian who is yet to successfully differentiate between the voice of my spirit and the voice of God, as a Christian who is highly confused about what really is, I’ve concluded that: God is an important part of any decision and one way I’ve been able to vet my decisions through him and knowing it’s his will is having peace. You must’ve heard this before. With me I have to say that the reverse is the case -as I’ve come to notice. If the decision I’ve made is not God’s will for me, I get heavily disturbed in my spirit. I’m usually very restless and it’s not that I say it’s not God confidently, it’s more a consideration that maybe it’s not what God wants for me. When I choose to withdraw myself from that decision I’ve noticed that I feel lighter.
Wisdom is also very important. You see, I don’t claim to know it all or be absolutely confident, but I’ve realized that it’s just as important that with decision making I make my research and choose based on a very sound understanding of what I want to enter into. Okay, maybe using the word research is too rigid and maybe one doesn’t even have to do so much ‘research’, what matters is that our decision is founded on informed knowledge. It’ll be silly to because we depend on God have no idea what we want to get into. Now, doing our research doesn’t always make it easy -I understand all too well – but we’ll take a decision that exceeds the one we make in ignorance.
I recently discovered my power in the place of the choices that I make. I have the power to decide what comes or goes out of my life, and I love that power. But with power comes our decision as to what we’ll do with it, to abuse it or maximize it. I think that in the end God will honor whatever choice we make. True there’s divine direction but ultimately it’s a matter of what we choose. God can lead us in a direction and we still choose something else. It’s about what we decide on. After having what we perceive to be God’s will, made our research, and have our doubt or clarity it’s still about what we choose.
- so i’ve been mixing in Guest posts with my regular blogging to provide a platform for friends and acquaintances.
- This post is a guest post, all content is original works of the author.
- If you would like to write for atomic words or be featured, send me an email @ email@example.com. Please original content only. Thank you
By Queen. F. Photizo
Chaos! The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as “complete confusion and disorder; a state in which behaviour and events are not controlled by anything”. That’s exactly the way I see the world now. The beautiful world we live in. A lot of things seem to be overturned today. I mean In terms of trends, values and standards. Based on the tales we hear from our parents and other members of the older generation, we know that the world we live in is a lot different from the one they grew up in. When I think of the rapid change I wonder if I really want to bring children into this world. There’s no telling how crazy things are going to get. For you to really relate with I’m talking about, I’mgoing to analyse a few examples of areas where the world has become completely orderless. But first I want to ask the million dollar question. When and how did the world become such a topsy-turvy place? It’s a question no one can really answer, right? Like my friends would say; “question for the gods”. Anyway let’s begin.
A friend of mine once jokingly said that it would soon get to a point in this world where virgins would be stoned to death for daring to keep their virginity in a perverted world. I laughed at the time she said it because the thought of it was very funny. But as I think deeply each day I realise that it might not sound so ridiculous afterall. I mean, there are some things that go on today that would have sounded absolutely ridiculous and impossible just a few years back. People are getting married to animals now. I read about a woman who married a dog! She had a wedding ceremony and all! The sad truth is, we are now in an era where the things that people are supposed to be ashamed of are the things that are celebrated with so much pride while the things that used to bring honour and pride are now objects of shame. A girl in her twenties who is still a virgin might be reluctant to let people in a particular circle know that, because she might become the object of ridicule and derision. I’ve actually heard a lot of guys say “I can’t marry a virgin. I want someone with a lot of experience and skill in bed”. I usually tell such guys, “then make sure you marry a prostitute. You will get all the skill and exprience you could possibly want”. I once had a friend who told me that she had to lie and pretend she wasn’t a virgin to her boyfriend because she was afraid if he knew, he might not be interested in her anymore. It was the day they had sex for the first time he discovered the truth and of course, he was disappointed. Now when I remember the stories from the older generation I literally shake my head. In those days, a bride was celebrated and her parents honoured if she was certified a virgin on her wedding night. The world is so crazy now that sometimes it’s even the parents that encourage their children to have pre-marital sex. I read on a blog sometime ago where an unmarried young lady in her twenties said her mother took her to the doctor’s to have her fitted with an Intra Uterine Device; a birth control tool. Her mother was basically telling her “you can have all the sex you want as long as you don’t get pregnant”. You might be thinking this happened in the western world. If you think so you’re wrong. This was a Nigerian mother encouraging her equally Nigerian daughter to engage in pre-marital sex.
Now let’s examine dating. In the days of the older generation dating meant a guy trying to please a lady; taking her out to fancy restaurants, buying her gifts, etc. Now it has become an opportunity for men to enjoy all the benefits of being married to a certain lady without giving her parents a dime as brideprice. She does all a wife would do; sex, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. After a while, a reason for breaking up pops up, she moves on to the next guy and the whole cycle is repeated over and over again. I ask myself; how many times does such a lady have to play “wife” to different guys before she is finally considered to take up the actual role? How many guys does she have to sleep with before she finds one that thinks she’s fit enough to be his wife? Some of these ladies wind up aborting several pregnancies because each time they get pregnant, the guy finds one reason or another why they aren’t ready for kids and marriage. It’s sad but it is the world as we know it now. This brings me to my next example of how the world has gone crazy.
We are in a time of illegitimate children. You could sometimes hear a young man say something like “oh I’m not married but I’ve got a baby mama”. What?! A “baby mama”? What does that even mean? It has come to my notice that people are creating fancy words to cover up shameful situations. Women go about shamelessly declaring themselves “baby mamas”. Can we just call a spade a spade? Let’s say it like it really is. Since when did having bastards become fashionable? The definition of a bastard is an illegitimate child; one born out of wedlock. So those so called “baby mamas” are proud of the fact that they have bastards. And what about those poor innocent kids? Children need both a father and a mother to be actively present in their lives in order to grow up properly. More and more innocent children are being born into dysfunctional families and that seems to be a good thing. So sad! However I wouldn’t want any misconceptions. I’m not saying I’m a saint. I’ve had my own crazy moments too. Afterall I live in this world so I get to partake in its craziness once in a while but I still try to maintain my standards because I’m royalty and I’m therefore required to behave in a certain way.
As I sit and ponder on these things I wonder what the world will become in five years. I wonder the kind of environment my kids will grow up in. I wonder the kind of influences they will be exposed to. I wonder about the next crazy thing that would be considered normal in this inverted world. One thing is certain though, even if the world becomes so overturned that people think it’s better to stand on their head than their feet, I’d still be an old-fashioned lady and insist on doing things the right way. Peace!
So, I will be putting up guest posts every week or bi-weekly so feel free to send me original works and properly label them so all credit will go to you. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A dear friend of mine Kehinde has done me the honor of agreeing to be a guest Author on my blog on a weekly basis. So watch out for her.
I hope you all like her début piece on my blog. Enjoy.
My mum loves having new clothes, there’s no other way to put it. She loves it so much so that she frequents the tailor’s like monthly. Personally I don’t understand it, in my mind I’m like “but you have enough clothes”, but it’s none of my business so I say nothing and without questions follow her to the tailor’s anytime the situation calls for it.
As it is my mum will go any length to get quality out of her material. She’ll go the extra mile to find a tailor that’ll do the job well, that’ll do justice to her clothe. Her current talior has his shop a long distance from our home but he’s very worth it. He’s expensive but very creative and detailed and it is with commitment to his excellence that my mum visits his shop with every of her material, no kidding.
It was on one of those days that I followed my mum to her tailor’s shop. We’d been there for about 3-5mins with my mum telling her tailor the adjustments she wanted him to make, him clarifying why he added or didn’t add a design, when a woman of about 50 entered into the shop. I’m terribly bad with telling people’s ages so I couldn’t tell her age until she mentioned that she was a grandma. My first impression of her was neutral, she didn’t know me, I didn’t know her, but of course there was the courteous greeting initially. Because she’s older -that was pretty much obvious- I had to get up from my sit for her as a show of respect, what irked me was the air about her that I perceived had her feeling that indeed I had to get up for her afterall she was older. She didn’t even tell me thank you o. All well, nothing doing. I continued to watch the banter between my mum and the tailor somewhat bored, I was restless and ready to go. More adjustment and talks later and the woman that entered in was shouting.
This woman had given the tailor specifications of what she wanted in her clothes, she’d given him two lace materials. She’d heard he was very good and brought her materials to him to sew because she was to wear it for her son’s wedding. If you know an average Yoruba woman, an everyday Yoruba woman, you’ll know how seriously -emphasis on seriously- they take their parties and everything associated with it, especially when they’re an important part of the party, and especially when they happen to be the mother of the celebrant! Note if you’re a vendor: pressure alert! To be honest the material was nice, like very nice…before I digress though. The tailor out of sartorial common sense and over-creativity (if ever it exists) sew something that was a bit different from what the woman had specified. In my opinion the tailor did an awesome job. I loved what he did with that material, but once the woman sighted it all hell broke loose: he didn’t sew exactly to her specification. While my mum out of womanly understanding tried to reason with the woman, and the tailor looked on in confusion (you should’ve seen his face), I sat being irritated because I didn’t understand how someone as old as she could throw a tantrum over something so trivial. I don’t ridicule what her opinion is, she bought the material and has the right to dictate what happens to it, but hey, this guy was only trying to spice things up. That was how she kept crying and shouting until the tailor, still in confusion, started loosening the seams of the clothe.
I took some time over that incidence and concluded with the most powerful lesson from that: NEVER ATTACH YOUR EMOTIONS TO MATERIAL THINGS. It’s okay to like things in an inexplicable way, it’s okay to value things, it’s okay to attach sentimental values to things, but please never let it control your emotions or reactions. That woman reacted the way she did because she was emotionally attached to that clothe. My guess is that she’d had this fixed vision of what she wanted in her mind and nothing could change that. Flexibility is important. If we were a bit more flexible we wouldn’t get so worked up about things not working out our way. It’s a lesson I’m learning daily and for someone who’s getting over worry I’ve found that just letting go and allowing for life to do its thing will relieve a lot of pressure, does that mean we should be passive? No. But it does mean that if we’ll get over anxiety or spontaneously sparking out of anger, it’ll be because we have learnt to go with the flow and not be overly attached to things that won’t last.
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