cropped-img_4370.jpgMon Dieu! What have I done?

  There I was sulking, feeling empty and alone. Saying, ranting and raving the words abandoned.

Instead, it dawned on me that I did the walking away. I severed all connection from you.

There I was in a loving relationship with all you can eat buffet and a blank check. Yet my eyes wandered, Familiarity breeding contempt and comfortability.

So I stepped away to seek thrill and adventure elsewhere. Thinking the grass must be greener on the other side. But the harsh truth I learned the hard way is that the grass is bitter, thorny, brown and dried up. Yet I continued to deceive myself, making up excuses.

Till the cold water of reality, a bucket full of it was dowsed on me with common sense, which I now know isn’t common at all. Brought my frozen heart to boiling point, causing an irate rhythm leading to a cardiac arrest and suddenly nothing.

Emptiness, dark abyss of it. Yet volts of electricity shot through my body waking me to a world I wasn’t so sure I wanted any part of.

Sadly, the shock wasn’t the most painful part. My chest was on fire!

A part of my body I no longer paid attention to was alive and beating, slowly pulling me back to life.

Alas! The ache was unbearable, my heart needed a reason to beat, wasn’t in the mood to give it one.

So it beat harder and faster, trying to recall its rhythm, so the memories rushed back, bringing with it a great sense of what I had lost.

I cried, hard. No one saw, no one heard.

Yet I bled, soaking up my veins.

It didn’t stop there, it wanted what I could no longer have, what I had lost.

It’s true absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Though my mind shouted ‘’ this is madness’’, my feet trudged on, ignoring my brain.

So I arrived at His door step, knocked and the door opened.

Shamefully I walked in, just to find Him arms still open wide to the embrace I walked out of. Couldn’t help but run in, crying in the most unladylike manner.

Just to be soothed, nurtured and loved back to strength.

Even though I did not deserve it, God’s love is unconditional, He never walks away from us.

                                                             If you are empty and lost, ditch the shame, sorrow, confusion and all the lies hardening your heart and run back to your first LOVE.




13 thoughts on “PAST.”

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